Deep is where I do not know.
Deep is not knowing where
You start and I end.
Is it the physical needs
Or you meeting me on
An emotional level.
Is it bonding
Or adult nurturing that takes me deep.
I am bound to you biochemically
I am bound to emotionally
I am bound to you physically.
The oxitocin of our relationship takes me very deep.
Always and everywhere we have walked.
Webbed landscapes,
We snag like insects caught in silk.
We find twists and sobriety of sorts.
As we journey in pathways,
Footways
We meet them in the network
Slant to perpendicular.
Pilgrim paths,
Greenroads,
Droveroads,
Copse and trots…
Old ways connected to the new.
Lays,
Drongs
And snickets
Words as rites
Sarns and dykes
Painting a world long dead.
Words become a chant
A mediation, until spirit calls to spirit.
Holloway’s,
Bostles,
Shutes.
The rites of place and passage
Spirit talks to spirit
Dead speak to the living
In cartways, hilterpaths
Carneys.
We have been there before.
Now the place of assignation
And secret encounter.
Good people
Read good books.
And always a turn and an evolution.
To stand still is to die.
And become another journey mans
Snickets or dell.
Your have my heart
Every feeling,
Every damn impulse.
My nervous system trembles
It triggers when you smile.
I don’t have to see you
To know how.
You are in every stroke of my pen
Every verb and noun
That builds my book
Of remembrance
Every memory written
Every poem at the death of the day.
Every drop of blood
Every new cell
Imprinted for you
My molecules
My atoms are comprised
Of you.
I wait hopeless
The hands of the clock m
Seen to lay frozen.
Time reduced then measured in a doleful
Tick tock.
I am lost in my thoughts
Struggled remembrance fades
Only knowledge remains
That I need you to hurt me.
Only you.
Dominate every part of me.
Only you.
Physically, mentally,
Every Inch of my person
My very essence is Yours!!
I am given.
To you alone.
I am your pallet fresh
I beg to receive your marks.
My eyes turn to your face
I dare only look at your lips .
I exist in your silence
l can not escape
Frozen to the spot
I watch your hands slither
Slowly up my chest
Caressing pulling on
Aching sensitive man nipples.
Your hand reaches slowly my neck
I feel as your fingers wrap
I Desperately want to put
My hands over yours
Instead they are bound
I can only observe your eyes.
Filled with passion
Tinged with mischief.
My breath escapes
You watch as I wait to gasp for air
You hold on to savour that moment
Knowing my eyes will falter
And soon give way
I am just there
In the space between
Loss and surrender open to you
Mesmerized by your face
The love the care the determination
I am slipping now
Deeper into you.
As your other hand draws
My cock to raise.
Being under your hand
Waiting for your release
Finally I’m free.
And my release falls pale white
Pooling on the floor….
Your look of love
In shining amber eyes .
Totally stuns me,
Holds me in their gaze,
Transfixed, I hold still.
You tie the rope
Around my arm
Disarmingly gentle
So so very carefully.
Like the long lost child
I long to be you handle me.
first one arm
Then the other.
Bound and held in your hog tie.
It’s a strange love I have,
More than being made to feel pain.
I crave the space after pain
I love to sink deeper into requiecence
A liberation from my perseverating mind
My pleasure clearly heightened
At the sound of your voice
It reaches inside of me
Tares my being apart.
It envelops my insides,
It feeds my soul ,
Wrapping around my heart.
I seek more and more
The release it gives us both.
The desire that we are
Free just to be
It’s not the pain I want
It’s the place after
I love the sting before the thud
You have trained me to walk,
Now I dance between raindrops,
You have encouraged me to walk.
In the spaces betwixt
And between the pain.
I walk there with you
The pathway to a place of grace
It’s the something between us
Unique to us because it is
I feel close to you
In our delicate,elegant, dance of controlled savagery.
Letting the primal slip out,
In ways, more intimate than sex.
I am your memory,
Your dearest thought.
I live in the real
Part of our collective mind .
I am a little different in your head
To who I am in mine.
Vastly different to myself.
As you are vastly different to you,
For what it matters
We are neither better or worse.
We are who we are to the rest.
Here’s the thing,
You will never remember a moment
Least as exactly as it happened,
That moment will be forever
Exactly as it was.
But it will be forever informed by our experience prior.
That is irrespective
Of our consciousness.
We are nothing more
Than a collective of
These moments
Connected by those we share.
Therefore we remain
Forever touched by each other.
That’s my comfort thought,
My memories I hold may fold and die.
But they have happen in our collective consciousness.
Therefore we either consciously or Subconsciously pass our memories forward.
And colour our lives with our connections
So we live our lives full of moments we never want to end.
We can only consciously
Drop those things we choose to forget.
And remain forever as we see each other.
I am who you choose me to be for you.
As I am who I want to be for you.
“Fuck me Mistress that really hurts.”
Hearing that what does it do to you?
Hearing me cry out how do you feel ?
Does it excite you?
As long as what You do
It’s not injuring, it’s positive.
It’s for my gratification and well being knowing.
I am happy suffering for you my Beloved Darling Mistress and
I want, no I crave your elation, expressed so clearly on your face.
You need it to hurt.
You need my groans. Ouches my please no’s as much as I need the release of hurts.
This kind of hurt sets me free. Just as much as it will make me struggle against tight bonds. I ask you please, tie me so hard it marks my skin. Take me into the dark shitty places that make me warm and fuzzy. So I am focused in meeting and dealing with this pain so I can breath through the strikes and find some mental release from the noises in my head.
Oh I want that fuzzy subspace were I can take more and more until it no longer matters what you do to me I just feel it, and absorb it. I welcome the intense pain the controlled violence wrought upon me.
I long for the warm glow as the endorphins give their rush flooding into my system.
This kind of impact from your blows will leave me shaking barely able to stand.
So it borders between good and bad pain not overwhelming but leaves me tittering in a kind of blackness of want.
It’s the kind I can take, I want you my Darling Mistress to read the struggle in my eyes,
I want you to see the beauty in this man suffering in sheer desperation.
I like to think of you moist aroused from the look of desperation.
You know I love the emotional hit I get from feeling slightly ashamed that I man would submit to you a female. It goes against all that remains in societies Paternalism.
But it’s more than that I love to be bound vulnerable, but also comforted and safe.
It’s a moment, so complex and rich and colorful that the pain becomes something else for us both. It’s a way of creating a physically challenging moment that I need your guidance to get through it and your comfort afterwards to positively process it.
I want you to see me suffer, to wallow in the intensity of it all and as I groan out in pain, I want it to be a moment that brings us closer together more importantly.
Because when you tear someone down to their naked truth, it’s impossible not to melt into them when their need for you is something real and genuine.
We both need it to hurt, we both have good reasons for that need, love, desire passion.
Today I had a wonderful day with Mistress serving and pampering her. We had steak for lunch then played.I am writing this and it’s perhaps the hardest journal ever because it runs counter to D/s play beatings pain and obedience training.
I first shaved Mistress which was a new experience for me to shave her pussy I gave it an oral test after to see if it was sufficiently smooth…. I then gave her a long sensuous massage from head to toe front and back. There was much giggles whoops and laughter.. It was so different just relaxing talking about everything and nothing…. I guess we are building friendship and depth into our D/s relationship knowing each other outside of impact play and enforced obedience.. We then snuggled cuddled drank tea in bed and chilled. For personal reasons our play was cut short.
So why journal this!!!
It’s simply to say thank you it was my best day ever because we took time to enjoy each other’s company and relax . Outside of kink we are both extremely busy people. We enjoyed a new level of vulnerability today in what we do a close relationship becomes essential and we need a high level of trust to maintain a relationship. Soft gentle times and loving are as important as beatings. I am and it may be considered nieve by some I have discovered I have a deep need for the gentle as much as the hard…. I will admit it I am needy for more of this …
It is truly hard to get to know each other when are best targets is once a month play if we are lucky.. But as we all know months can quickly merge… So it was good to have a few hours just being ourselves showing Mistress the warm affectionate kind man I can be and not just slave who takes his beating both are important parts of myself as a human. Yesterday helped remind me of that.
Thank you Mistressed J for another great day xxx
For the Love of Submission 